The Vegas heat has kept us inside or in our pool most of the summer. This week has been unseasonably cool, and we have been taking advantage of some much needed time outdoors. I snapped a few pictures during our walk today, and as I look through them now, I  just feel incredibly grateful.

I feel blessed to be here with my family. I soak up every regular old day, knowing that life can turn upside down in a moment. Knowing that every day is a gift.

Today we are happy (even with the bit of bickering in the back seat).

Today we are healthy.

Today, we are together.

Ordinary days are the ones I live for now. ❤



I haven’t been crying much lately.

The invasive memories and flashbacks that used to haunt me constantly, have faded into the back of my mind.

My anxiety has calmed, and I haven’t had to wake with numb fingers and a pounding chest in months.

I haven’t felt the overwhelming need to write out my feelings, to give them a home anywhere but inside of myself.

I miss my RJ every day, but somehow lately, I can look at pictures of him without completely breaking down.

I can see him in my children, Hudson’s little profile when we sit in church, in Gracie’s stubborn frown, or in Addison’s smile and crinkle of her eyes. I can look at beautiful parts of him within my kids, without my heart breaking into a million pieces.

I know that healing will most likely take a lifetime, and I know that I have many days ahead where waves of grief will knock me to the ground. With triggers like October around the corner, Gracelyn’s birthday, and the holidays soon approaching, I fully expect to be a sobbing mess again soon. But today I am thankful for a break in the clouds, even if it is just for a time. It is a welcome relief to my tired mind and aching heart.

I see progress. I see hope. I see brighter days ahead.

I see the sun again. ❤

2013 05 08 Ryan & Monica Bell47